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From my other journal

I AM: a bitch
I WANT: to be an idol
I HAVE: no life
I WISH: i had a life
I HATE: everyone
I MISS: the good ol' days
I FEAR: failure
I HEAR: everything you say about me
I SEARCH: for an escape, for love
I WONDER: what the future holds
I REGRET: nothing
I LOVE: the idea of love
I ACHE: all the time
I ALWAYS: think
I NEVER: bite my tongue
I AM NOT: where i want to be
I DANCE: when i'm drunk
I SING: my heart out
I CRY: myself to sleep everynight
I WRITE: every second i can
I WIN: fist fights
I LOSE: money all the time
I NEED: attention
I SHOULD: disappear

Yes Or No...
x. You keep a diary: yes, a book and on livejournal and BME
x. You like to cook: stir fry
x. You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: no
x. You believe in love: of course

The weirdest person you know: myself
The Sexiest Person you Know: ralf
The Loudest Person you Know: my mother
The Cutest Person you Know: heather t
Your closest friend: nicole gioioiosi, heather t
The People that Knows the Most about you: ralf, joe

What is...?
Your most overused phrase on IM: nada
The last image/thought you go to sleep with: kissing my boyfriend
Inside joke: "who's camel is that?"

Do You...?
Have a(any) crush(es): yes, a few
Want to get married: not sure yet
Get Emotion Sickness: yes
Think you're a health freak: haha no
Get along with your parents: my mother is my best friend
Like thunderstorms: yes, they're romantic

SIGN: sagitarious
EYE COLOR: dark brown
BIRTHPLACE: lowell, ma

COLOR: violet, deep red
DAY: saturday
MONTH: june
SONG: alice in chains/ "nutshell"
FOOD: thai food, italian food
SEASON: (late) spring
SPORT: skateboarding
DRINK: apple cider


CRIED? almost

Name 5 bands you listen to:
Alice in Chains, Hole, Deftones, Jude the Obscure, The Distillers

Name 7 things you hate:
People, racists, sluts/skanks, Billerica MA, people who spread rumors, people who talk behind your back but won't say it to your face, conceited people who have no reason to think they're hot haha

Would You Ever~
1. Eat a bug? NO
2. Bungee jump? NO
3. Hang glide? no
4. Kill someone? of course, and i know who i would kill too
6. Kiss someone of the same sex? yes, i have many times
7. Have sex with someone of the same sex? yess
8. Parachute from a plane? NO!
9. Walk on hot coals? no
10. Go out with someone for their looks? yes
11. For their reputation? yes
12. Be a vegetarian? no
13. Wear plaid with stripes? yes
14. IM a stranger: sure
15. Sing karaoke? yes
16. Get drunk off your ass? sure, have before
17. Shoplift? yep, have before
18. Run a red light? yes
19. Star in a porn video? sure
20. Dye your hair blue? yes, have before
21. Be on Survivor? no
22. Wear makeup in public? of course. i <3 make-up
23. NOT wear makeup in public? yes
24. Cheat on a test? yes
25. Make someone cry? yes
26. Call your math teacher a motherfucker? yes
27. Kick a baby? NO!
28. Date someone more than ten years older than you? yes
29. Cuss out a priest? no
30. Take a job as a janitor? yes
32. Stay up all through the night? yes, have before
33. Drink straight espresso? i guess so

going out tonight, finally. i've been home forever, since we moved here. it'll be good to get out. i watched the movie "Trapped" tonight, Miss Courtney Love is in it... how fucking exciting that was. i <3 her.
gonna go jump in the shower.
put on some make-up and feel **pretty**.
sleep tight everyone.

xSuicide she wrotex

in your endless summer night i'll be on the otherside. when you're beautiful and dying, all the world that you've denied. when the water is too deep, i will ease your suffering...

dear so and so. dear forget me not. by the time you read this the blood will have run out. the chamber will be smoking empty. with this letter i hope brings tears of diamond, strict as pearl. with this letter i hope you choke. and that is all this death defier wrote. i did not date this letter, because i have erased the days. only the nights are important now because my shadow and my demons can go unnoticed. it is safe to dream. if i said "i hope you're doing well" i would be a liar. i hear the broken promises are out for blood and i hope your on truth's hit list. now, let's start the second paragraph out with a lie.
i am able to sleep at night. i feel i am able to make it through the night. i am breathing, i am alive. i have never died.
so my dear so and so. dear blessed hand around my neck. the noose is red. turn the rope and the curtains loose. turn the bed sheets down. turn the candles flame to writhing smoke. turn the wretched in beauty. turn the fragile frail into concrete bone. turn me into something beautiful, i said turn my nothing into something oh make me beautiful.
i will close this letter with more than a good-bye. watch the break of dawn. watch me breaking down. this is more than a set of words and rhyme. this is the absolute truth. dear god, i send this off to you. hold the weight of my pure words in your hands. (i carry them on my back.) what did i do to deserve such a life? what can i do to not transfer into light? dear god, i am dying.
dear god, i am dead.
and don't blame the fated queen who screamed, "off with her head"
blame this fucking soul rapist. blame this fucking disease. blame this fucking machine in my head. i am guilt. blame is me.
i am. i am. i am. i bec(am)e. i've become. i've become none.
i've become no one.
so dear king of the ruined. dear anyone who's reading. with this letter i hope brings a flood of broken glass tears. with this letter i hope to burn. you couldn't save this rack of scarred skin and bones, this display of self inflicted abuse and razor trails. you couldn't save me. you couldn't save me, even if you tried. now, i prove you all true. i am a liar. my greatest performance, when i smiled and said "i'm doing good. i'm still alive." the land of make believe lives inside my mouth. the wasteland of everything that is tragic and dead lives inside my heart. dear god i hope your withering like me. i hope your spine lashes out and you crumble. i hope you are fucking rotting for all that you have put me through. the survival of the fittest, this life i was tested to survive. i wash my hands in my own blood. i fucking give up. i'm sick of fighting this battle all alone. i'm sick of not having a heart to mark a home. i'm sick of not having a home where the heart is. but most of all, i'm sick and tired. i'm fucking sick.and.tired. of being alone.
so god, i hope you get this. and by the time you do, all these thoughts and everything i should've said to all of you will be decorating the walls. god, for what you've done to me, for what they've ALL done to me, i hope you choke.
i end this letter with more than a goodbye. i end it with my ghost.
...and that, my friends, is all this sad excuse for a girl fucking wrote


"i had to tell them you were gone
i had to tell them they were wrong
and now they're playing your song
and every note of it is wrong...
they sold you out"
here's more...
sing to me all the stones being thrownCollapse )

i am all alone.
i miss you.
i miss you.
i miss you.
come home.

broken heart & worry,
Miss Erica

Sep. 5th, 2003

i am not the same person.
nothing will ever be the same again.

xmy ass is like "woah"xx

please someone out there tell me that you know someone from Good Charlotte... come on. someone must.
i know alot of you girlies have **male rockstar** friends...
someone's gotta know him. the boy cannot be friendless...
anyhow, post here if you gots the info.
more to report:
xx i am still deathly ill.
i very well could be dying.

Death Obsession
Death Obsession

What's Your Obsession?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love having sex.
Ralf and I had some hawt sex last night for hours, but nothing could be better than the sex we had a few weeks ago. (Oh dear god.) I shudder with pleasure when I think of it. I love just lying naked with him. I love skin to skin, hands to shoulders, lips to necks and frech kissing and making out and making love late at night with the windows open and the bedsheets messy and his back to the wall while I lie in front of him, facing him, my hands on his thighs chest arms, his hands and fingers on my thighs chest belly and below and all over. I love the look he gives me and talking dirty to eachother.
I love being in the mood.
I love it when he tells me I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I love when he talks about my girly parts and the way he looks at them, at my legs, at me naked.

I fell asleep in his arms.

He didn't go to work today and we woke up together and went out for a ride. Got some coffee and bagels. Both of us have some sort of cold, so we came home late afternoon and just relaxed together. We just got finished watching "Old School" which was really funny. This has been a really low profile chill kind of day. The karma was good. The weather was great, but unfortunately I could feel smell and taste the hints of the inevitable winter in the air. I could see the colors of the up an coming autumn. I imaginied the world soaked in blood stains, bathed in evening sun's light, washed out and fading with a dull grey sky threatening a snow storm.
The only things I won't hate about this winter are:
1. This will be my third X-mas/ New years season on my own, but the first time in my own house!! And this will be me and Ralf's first tree of our own- (that is together and seperately, our first X-mas tree's.) So that is most def gonna be a big landmark to look back on. I can't wait to go out and buy our own ornaments and decorations for the tree!! Oh, and I get to be Mrs. Clause-Flodin and make my first holiday dinner and eveything. <3 How lovely.
And I guess that's the only thing I will not hate about it. Ha. Man, what shit luck I have to be born in fucking New England.
That's all I have to say. I'm really sick and my eye is red and itchy and swollen and I feel like shit and I might have the flu. The day was good, but I've been sick for a few days now.
I really think I have cancer.
Man, I had so many dreams. And I only had a few more hot rockstars I had to meet to. Fuck.
Sore throat and upset tummy,

Yea, I'm totally dying...

Aug. 23rd, 2003

Livejournal Mood Ring

is distressed.

If it's not one thing, it's another. Your life is a pitiful wreck, and it's all you ever write about. Why don't you at least make up a happy story for once. Your friends would appreciate that.

brought to you by interim32. wanna know your livejournal's mood ring
color? enter your username and hit the button.


Now, on to the pitiful wreck and writing about it part...
x the seasons are promising

Miss Marilyn... Manson?

<td bgcolor="#000000">Your Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA"></td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Band Name</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Marilyn Manson </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Role</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Keyboardist</td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Trademark</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Appearing Onstage Almost Nude </td></tr><td bgcolor="#000000">Love Interest</td><td bgcolor="#DDDDAA">Girl Who Works At Starbucks </td></tr>
Which Band Should You Be In? by couplandesque
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

The suicide lover's memoir

so here is something withering. so here is our love. a last chance at a faded romance. the last breath i take and you're following me down again. oh i miss the sun's shade. oh i miss the comfort in being full of pain. now i am restless and that digital neon glow, it's striking through the room and burning my eyes with it's 4 am shadow. but who would've known i'd give up the show? i guess it's all for the best? yea, i guess i guess
when you're dead and sleeping next to me, i want to smother the fires with my own hands an break through my own shakey breath with my own glass tears. and red are the pillows now that your gone and red are my fingertips from scratching at my wrists and playing that violin in my head, over and over and over again. our song on repeat. the words brand they're meaning into me. they mean every thing we were and everything to me. they mean this much and our former love times three. they mean this much to me.
strike the match and strike the girl down. set them all a fire. this is the last chance at a faded romance. this is the last breath we take as lovers, as gemini twins. because when the sun overthrows the moon i'm going to cut your lung out, carve you heart out of stone. oh i miss the comfort of manual escape. oh i miss the comfort of full on pain. now the bedsheets are torn and misplaced.
now the afternoon sun chases the nightmares away.
now the sky thickens into a honey suckle dream
now the girls ashes melt into cream.
now plunge it down and sink back and swoon back and die
now pull the needle out and swear you've never felt more alive.
now i take the last bullet and cock lock and load
no love, im sorry, im never coming home
no father, im sorry you can't bring me home

and the click of the trigger, and the speed of the bullet, the dash of the gun. this is what its like to truley love someone. oh this is what it's like to cruelly love smeone. this is the weight of the silence that lingers when all is said and done.
now, baby, go ahead and put that song on repeat.

you meant a bullet and a lifetime of pain to me.
LiveJournal Haiku!
Your name:atragicthing
Your haiku:felt like i don't want
to be something so for
a phantom i will
Created by Grahame
insatiable bitch

You Are A Insatiable Bitch!

You reek of sex. Married men, old men, and young men...

You don't discriminate - as long as they get you off.

You'll seduce anyone, from gay guys to your friends' boyfriends.

What Kind of Bitch Are *You*?

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